We are humans and so no one quality can completely define us. You learned to take a "nice" stance as a way of avoiding conflict and confrontation that you cant tolerate, a stance that is Im happy if youre happy, meaning, "I do whatever I need to do to not get you disgruntled because you being upset makes me anxious." Now they think all men who call themselves are actually douchebags and the actual douchebags who know the game and do not call themselves nice are getting all the girls. | "Elephant Journal" & "Walk the Talk Show" are registered trademarks of Waylon H. Lewis, Enterprises. I mean there are tons of others who don't complimented and are ignored. Yet somehow in 2017, everyone knows you can't be openly racist but calling people an Oreo is okay. Why Toxic Positivity Isnt Positivity at All. WHEN it comes to gifts, what matters is that it's from the heart. I write real and fictitious stories about life, issues, love, loss, g, Damini Grover is an eternal explorer, foodie, dance lover, dog lover (and in love with m. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. Your free account lets you heart articles, follow authors, comment, Boost, and support Elephant's writers. Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from. But as I've . Explore; Reddit Search; Reports. Also being nice is an great compliment when you barely know someone. Check out these stunning Wonderscapes >>. It's what you say to actual children. Glen Fieldingis a retired public-school educator and researcher. I used to think it was a compliment but now it just grates on me. Join & get 2 free reads. It was delicious! Then you can Heart an article, boosting its "Ecosystem" score & helping your favorite author to get paid. This causes me to think that maybe the people who always have a smile on their face are the ones whose hearts have been broken wide open. But along with this, you can say no, take care of yourself as well as others, be assertive and honest without being aggressive and hurtful. Theyre sensitive to the feelings of others, easy to be around, and rarely if ever argue. Implications of not looking after myself. Reviewed by Matt Huston. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. You have this critical, scolding drill-sergeant/parent voice coming at you all the time, looking over your shoulder, wagging its finger. When you do this pre-compromising all the time in close relationships, you wind up never really getting what you want (though you fantasize that the other person will read your mind and offer it anyway), and instead only get watered-down versions that are okay. Over time, what you're left with is a watered-down life. I hate being a nice guy. You can still have an interesting life and be a nice guy. This choice I make is character-stretching. The byproduct of these emotional crunches are often depression, anxiety, and addiction. Close relationships can lack depth. One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. I'm a nice white person! Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. Others, especially those closest to you, may see you as subtly controlling or passive-aggressive at times because you are. You are too nice have come many assumptions. If she doesn't like you and you aren't a couple, have some self-respect and move on. A values-driven life comes out of your values; your core beliefs as an adult about how to be with others. You're just the cutest, you know that?" 8. Be who you are, and just. Maybe the people who are the nicest, most positive and uplifting are the ones who have gone through the most upheaval. because I'm loved by others. Every time you read, share, comment or heart you help an article improve its Ratingwhich helps Readers see important issues & writers win $$$ from Elephant. Posted July 21, 2018 I have noticed this trend of people proudly identifying themselves as NERDS, and I don't really get it. By creating an account you agree to Elephant's Terms and Privacy Policy. 3 Real Reasons You arent Getting the Girl. I dare you the next time you get surgery or any serious medical procedure to turn to your doctor and say, with all sincerity, "Thank you so much. 11 years ago. #26 Edited By deactivated-57beb9d651361. And along with this. I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. I know this to be true, for where I am and who I am. The resentment comes, because your niceness also comes with expectations that others will appreciate your martyrish efforts or will follow your lead and be like you, always putting others first, stepping up, etc. That's why I hate hearing this shitty compliment. I used to hate being called 'nice'. Your investment will help Elephant Journal invest in our editors and writers who promote your values to create the change you want to see in your world! They want to do better and they want to be better. How to make yours fierce and toned >>, By confirming, you agree to our Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy. Better yet, be proactive and let others know where you stand before they come to you. If your dog eats dry food you'll want to see this. until you do. I'M not racist!". Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the compliment and the sentiment behind it, it's so kind of people to call me something nice, but it's just not my fave word anymore! Heres how to get started: 1. I feel like I was just born racist and prejudiced and bigoted because of my skin color. They are the ones who have had to talk themselves out of bed in the morning and off the floor at night. Answer (1 of 67): Okay, so morally speaking, everyone wants to be nice (good) or be treated nicely (well)! A year and a half ago, I moved through something so inextricably painful I cant even put it into words. Our conversations are sprinkled with slips, pauses, lies, and clues to our inner world. Continue browsing in r/raisedbynarcissists. I hate of thee the nice fare; Nunzia Stark is a Park University Alumni and a former elementary educator. You do it not because you should or because you will feel guilty otherwise, but because its your life blueprint. Its seeing the good in ourselves. or expecting them to realize what you need and give it to you, even though you never say what those needs are. As a child my father always called me by a nic name and the only time I was called by my given name was when I was in trouble. There are bigger and much more tragic things I have endured while still remaining positive). I hate being called "nice". It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. 7. Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. 17/08/2020 17:42 I'm beginning to really hate being called "nice" and "lovely". Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! I am nice, so I wont mind. heart articles you love. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . They are named for the fact that they tend to cringily relate to the "nice guys finish last" type of misogynistic BS. It may be exhaustion, or it may be getting sick or sinking into the depths of severe depression. Jodee Prouse is a sister, wife, mom, friend, neighbor, and soon-to-be gramma. I hate that! Nothing wrong with admitting how you actually are as a person, nice included, but they misunderstand the term nice guy. If youre asked to be on a church committee, for example, and don't want to, say no. I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >> Welcome to elephant's ecosystem. If youre an always-nice superstar, you likely dont even realize how you feel a lot of the time. We're community-driven. You are kind and considerate and see that we are all struggling on this tiny dot of speck in the vast universe; you treat others the way youd like to be treated. All rights reserved. Between the pre-compromise and internalization, you never say what you truly want and feel, you're not being really honest and emotionally intimate. So, are you ready to give up some of your niceness? People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. Create a Free Account & Get 2 Free Reads. How Important Is Agreement in Long-Term Relationships? For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. I know My husband spit in my plate after I refused to share it my girlfriend broke up with me because i watch cartoons My sister slapped me because her husband complimented my My girlfriend was acting like a smartass, so I made her My husband slapped me for texting while driving. Here are some common reasons below. But the problem with that approach which is nevertheless needed around people, sometimes they think they are above you just because you ain't hostile which is a big no no with me. Its a miserable way to live. I just want people to stop telling me this. Its less about a value of how to treat people and more a psychological flack-suit to protect you from what seems to be a scary world. "You are too nice" have come many assumptions. and they love me because of that. He also comes to me whenever he is scared or sick or in pain so I can hold him until he feels s Continue Reading 10.1K 64 224 Steve Tamulewicz Because I am nice I don't really have an opinion; I just go with the flow. Always trying to get his own way. Delivery & Pickup Options - 292 reviews of Hate Burger "Its called the Hate Burger but the employees were very nice! @Ahmad_Metallic said: "no crazy sex and wild partying, im a nice guy and my life is dull". He is the author of 11 books and over 300 articles and provides training nationally and internationally. Or being permanently agreeable. You happen to be one of the many reasons black girls and boys grow up and think being black has some kind of negative connotation. I think the biggest mistake people make is to associate kindness with weakness. Clothes, hairstyle etc. For more information, please see our But if youre always the nice guy, if its your 24/7 public persona, there are often psychological dangers lurking below that friendly surface, a downside that can take its toll. It's just a way to say something good, when there is nothing to compliment. We focus on anything that's good for you, good for others, and good for our planet. As a woman whose beauty was defined by the length and texture of her hair, without knowing it, I was redefining my "pretty." I remember the reactions of my. 6. Being called sweet girl is annoying to me, am I taking being called by full name is never a good sign. How could it be a good thing if you're telling me being nice is a girl repellent. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Rather than clearly stating what you want at the start of a discussion with someone, you instead anticipate or assume what the other person would like, and then downshift your own demands before the conversation starts. They know how to offer genuine wordsof encouragement because they have had to become their own biggest cheerleaders. Rather than quickly raising your hand at the staff meeting when they call for volunteers, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself whether you really want to do this. If you want more, grab a subscription for unlimited reads for $10/year (normally, it's 48/year, and the discount ends soon). Ferguson hit me really hard, and I wish I could do something, but since I'm white, I feel like people will think I'm just trying to get attention, like, "Oh, look at me! That cartoon of the headstone that says, Ate all that kale for nothing. The watered-down life, the not being truly known, the millions of missed opportunities to do and get what you want instead of what others wanted can leave you with serious life regrets. I was never allowed to hate my situation or hate how people treated me because that made me ungrateful. That's right, I hate being called a nerd. Answer (1 of 7): I used to hate anyone calling me by my name, especially in romantic relationships and it stemmed from my childhood. Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. I'm an adult! Remember: Theres a whole lot hiding behind nice. That poor 100-year-old woman who regretted eating too many beans and not enough ice cream. Under such steady verbal abuse, you vow to try harder, not screw up and be even nicer, but whatever you do is never good enough; fault, mistakes, and incriminations are around every corner. We all know, that we would like. 17/08/2020 18:39. WOOOOOOOO!!! Kindness isnt about ignorance. You will feel guilty, you will feel anxious that the world will despise you and that terrible things will happen. Life is win-win as much as possible. 2. Is not fair that I lose them . Think of all the gender norms we're trying to kill or bury alive. There's almost always a good reason for women to act the way they do towards men. Privacy Policy. Not much, you say. What if the whole nice thing was re-framed for a moment: (Please bear with me as I will interchangeably use nice and kind). Ive heard it in the workplace, Ive heard it in relationships, Ive heard it in friendships. Copyright 2022 Waylon H. Lewis Enterprises. I think people assume that because I am nice I don't know how to put my foot down or be assertive. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. | For the past 4 years I've been working really hard into changing to something I like being. No advocating violence or revenge, even in jest 6. Complimenting someone's look is great if you compliment something they had control over. Of course not. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. Because guys that are considered "nice" are more likely to get "friend-zoned" than dated. . Then again speak up. I would rather compliment someones character over their look. And I hate the way this word has become adopted by so many, who try to use it in a so-called positive way. Your critical voices will go crazy as you begin any of the above. My little one is in nursery and out of the blue the new worker said "oh manager was saying Alison is such a lovely and nice person and you are so lovely". I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. For many, it's considered the "kiss of death." So even a guy that is nice might not want to admit to that fact. It's just remind me that I'm a lonely loser. For some people, the community Reddit's raisedbyNarcissist's subreddit provides is life-changing. And if both partners are nice, the effects are multiplied, resulting in a no-conflict but superficial relationship. I'm cancer free!!! Its seeing the good in others. I am not NICE, but just speak to you normally without superiority nor inferiority. I was fiercely trying to practice gratitude amidsta wealth of hurt. Edit: Ah the comments are deleted, I hope nobody gave them hate. And every night, before he goes to bed, he lays on my chest and stares into my eyes until I give him a treat. If you do all the heavy lifting all of the time, you are prone to periodic collapse. Im proud of the choices I have made to get to where I am. Elephants #1 Gift Idea: An Immersive Adult Sandbox! Honesty is essentially what setting boundaries is all about, but honesty is also the driver of intimacy. We're protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. I think my niceness is a choiceI make not just for myself, but for my relationships and for those I encounter on a day to day basis. Embrace it. We're dedicated to sharing "the mindful life" beyond the core or choir, to all those who don't yet know they give a care. I also like girls, girls don't like nice guys. Love & Sex Make It Stop: "I Hate Being Described As 'Cute'" by Wendy Stokes August 8, 2018 I'm 30 years old and people -including those who are much younger - are calling me "cute" (as in like a puppy, not hey-baby-you're-cute). Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Whats not to like? I hate being a nice guy. She is pursuing her pas, Amy Nelson is a 500-hour trained yoga instructor, and has taught countless classes and countless hours of, Cline Levy is a Feminine Empowerment and Sexuality Coach, and facilitates womens workshops internati. This is little-kid stuff that flares up when you start to break your old patterns. And I . What makes a person "nice" is completely subjective. Is not fair that all my friends hate me. Dont just sweep the binge or the burnout or the passive-aggressiveness under the rug, but instead use them as red flags that you are being over-responsible, that you are neglecting your own needs. How do you want me to believe I'm "nice" when apparently no one wants me ! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Is not fair. Here are the most common ones: Youre that good, that laid-back all the time, really? Press J to jump to the feed. She is the, Nicole Baptista is a language teacher and freelance writer from London. It used annoy me, but now I shrug it off. Youve met them, Ive met them, or you may be one of them: nice people. Psychology Today 2022 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 16 Signs You Were Raised by a Highly Critical Parent, The Simple Technique That Relieved My Anxiety and Depression, Gaslighting Behavior Is a Sign of Weakness. What goes a long way to being nice is that you're more likely to blame yourself than anyone else: Its your fault, you should have known better, you did something that caused the other person to act the way they did, though you really have no idea what that may be. Unless youre on some major and highly effective medications, probably not. Is not fair that I'm nice to my friends. Sign up (or log in) below Its love. Being nice to people you meet (in a friend or dating way) is just the bare minimum. Being a follower shouldnt be automatically considered an My girlfriend refused to let her terminally ex see his My husband started acting strangely upon my sister's My girlfriend just gave birth to our first child. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I know how u feel but atleast give them credit for complimenting u . Just get it done. Damn it, I never been a relationship ! They are the ones who are brave and introspectivethe ones who are driven to change. Move out of that superficial talk and experiment with deeper conversations tell those close to you how you really feel rather than fine. If your partner is doing the same, get the problem of verbal intimacy and honesty on the table as something you both want to work on. OK, so if I call myself short, which I am, means I am not? Like the yin and yang, we have both goodness & badness residing within us. Crypto They want to change the world. She loves writin, Galina Singerhas traversed several cultures and conflicting philosophies in search for, Michelle Schafer is a woman and mother of two incredible humans. For example: one person's "nice . Its about seeing and knowing exactly what is going on and how things unfold, butchoosing to take a different path. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. The fact that Im smiling at the person that is smushing their Chinese takeout in my face on the Streetcar, while their dog is scratching my leg is exampleenough of how kindness is a strength (a micro example, may I say. When you heart, comment or share, the article's "Ecosystem" score goes uphelping it to be seen by more readers & helping the author to get paid. To the people who have said remarks like this, you might not think you're being racist but you are. Turning thekindness I extend to everyone around me and showing it to myself. Yup. But not something that should be normal. Not in my opinion. The anxiety-driven life, on the other hand, makes being nice a way of managing anxiety. Yes I agree assertiveness is the key word here. Why not join the Elephant community, become an Elephriend? A build-up of resentment can often fuel the acting out, but sometimes its just a slow and ever-present simmer that you internalize along with everything else. 10 Eckhart Tolle Quotes that will Make You Feel like You can Breathe. This does not mean that reacting to being mad is being crazy. 5. 20 Buddhist Concepts from the Dalai Lama to Help us Enter the New Year Gracefully. r/niceguys is a term that has long been used to describe men like this - they are common enough that we have developed a term for them. GameStop Moderna Pfizer Johnson & Johnson AstraZeneca Walgreens Best Buy Novavax SpaceX Tesla. But theres a difference between a values-driven life and an anxiety-driven one. to get two free reads: One in two people with a vagina struggles with pelvic floor health, but just because its common doesnt make it normal. Not raising your hand is saying no, but you want to practice doing this more actively this is about setting boundaries. They are the ones who have really done the work-who are genuinely appreciative. It takes 7 seconds to join. Holding Back From Expressing Your Desires. To be kind sometimes leaps beyond choice. Cookie Notice Throwaway as this will be the most ridiculous and vain complaint of all time. They are the ones who are the opposite of complacent. The burnout may sideline you for a while, but once you recover, you're quickly back on duty. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The #1 Indicator that Your Relationship Will Last. Its not letting our anger own us. Why would someone not be liked even if they are "nice"? I felt liberated. Tactile Home Art for mini mental breaks & expressive play. Those who are always nice may periodically act out or even collapse from exhaustion. "Nice" was originally Old French for "silly" or "foolish." Here's Chaucer using "nice" in Troilus and Criseyde: Quod Pandarus, "Thou hast a full great care Lest that the churl may fall out of the moon Why, Lord! When you feel anger, irritation, or resentment, use it as information telling you what you need, what you dont like, and what you may want. May this sites daily new articles inspire & expand your mind& heart in the midst of this busy-busy world of ours. And clearly you appreciate mindfulness with a sense of humor and integrity! This choice I make is difficult. This choice I make is humbling. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Heres what we reveal when we speak, whether we mean to or not. Take a few deep breaths, pat yourself on the back, and keep moving forward. While working at a restaurant a few years ago, the staff had gotten together to talk about some negative things that needed to be brought to the owners attention. Its forgiveness. Thank you all. Its sowing what you reap. And along with this Even though it may be better than being called old and haggard, it still annoys the bejeezus out of me. Jane probably wouldnt want to swap out my entire weekend shift, you say to yourself, so instead of asking if she can work the entire weekend for you, you ask her if she can do Saturday. What Brings Couples to a Crisis Point? I think people assume that because I am nice I dont know how to put my foot down or be assertive. We are a mix of many. Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., has 45 years of clinical experience. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). I was born and molded into a nice guy, this is my nature. It's normal, not exceptional in any way. And you know what the hardest part of this choice is? If it's too difficult to say no in person, call and leave a voicemail, or send a text. It's time to not just apologize or recover, but again speak up. Or the kickerI am nice because I lead a simple, uncomplicated life. Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. But men have decided to throw around this word to shame girls for feeling a certain way, and these are some reasons I hate being called crazy. I was immediately veto-ed because I was too nice. What is with that!? ~ Khara-Jade Warren, Eleditor. Until the pressure builds up, and the right triggers set you off. Business, Economics, and Finance. An Accurate Moralometer Would Be Useful, but Also Horrible? I thought it had implications of people thinking I could be walked over. But there's also no denying that, as women, we sometimes get tired of the same Christmas gifts - you know which o Being called a s!ut | Being bullied | Being abused | .. original sound. It makes you feel like you aren't being taken seriously. My husband got a vegan burger (being on a normal a meat eater) and loved it! I know this solution works cause I tried it myselfand it changed my life >>. "pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance". Hey, thanks so much for reading! 'Nice' doesn't mean shy, boring, or softly-spoken. Our trusty pelvic floor is known to be the energetic center of pleasure, sexuality, and joy. My whole family called me by my nic n. 5 Common Causes, How to Work Around a Procrastination Habit. Being mad vs. being "crazy." People make other people mad. If you cant tell at the time, wait, and continue to ask yourself how you truly feel; something will eventually emerge. 1.5K views, 221 likes, 110 loves, 4 comments, 21 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Boss Tim V2: Boruto 202 Slow down to realize how you really feel. It was quite crowded so the wait was a bit but man the size of the burger was worth it! Believe it or not, there was a time when being called "a nice person" was an insult. Because I am nice I dont really have an opinion; I just gowith the flow. It's the damn fucking bare minimum for a human. And different paths are okay. Its humility. Elephant offers 2 articles/week for free. I think the reason I hate (I know hate is a strong word) it so much is that I've been called it so many times on Instagram posts and in life that it's started to get on my nerves. Your persona cracks a bit, and you put on subtle pressure or guilt to get your way, or you go along with something but then act in a passive-aggressive manner because your unhappiness leaks out. If you decide that you are, in fact, tired of being nice all the time, or tired of absorbing any or all of these consequences, its time to stop going on autopilot and begin to make choices and change some of your behaviors. Daily. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Let me be political and say for one sec that when people refer to women as strong, it's a silly romanticized thing: women are strong because we are homemakers, sole child raisers, workers in the labour market, victims of all sorts of sexual/domestic abuse, etc. I hate being called "nice". They are the ones who have fiercely fought their demonsthe demons about themselves that most people are afraid to face. Let the too nice be a reminder that your path is different than theirs. Sometimes its a choice I make every five seconds (If youve ever taken the Streetcar down Queen at 5 p.m. in Toronto youll understand what I mean). Doing nice things for her and then getting frustrated when . It's the bare minimum to be nice, and reality reminds me every day even this compliment isn't true. I just hate myself so much. Revolution Needed 2. Push back against the critical voices. A place to get personal things off your chest. Avoiding the perils of niceness requires feeling one's genuine needs and wants, as well as actively setting boundaries. I want to be complimented on my body, my looks, my clothes, my mind, I don't know. It seems to come out of nowhere, you feel terribly guilty, you apologize profusely, you promise never to do that ever again . TikTok video from Crazy (@_maya_922): "I hate him he was so nice and out of the blue he dumped me". Learn more. and our Thank God you cleared that up for us. Hey Nice Guys! So being complimented about that make me feel the same as hearing "you have a nose". Two days ago a girl told me that the reason girls don't go for me is because they're intimidated by my uniqueness and niceness, and that it was a good thing. But not something that should be normal. Here, you dont say no; you dont speak up and be honest and assertive because of your own fear. Don't change! Its letting go of grudges. The same is true about negotiating with your partner: Stop the pre-compromise and figure out what you truly want. What always-nice people tend to do is internalize hold in negative emotions that naturally rise up in the course of everyday life. I big-chopped it. I am nice, so I won't mind. Sponsored by Ultimate Dog Food Guide Is your dog eating any of this food? Cancer can suck my nut!!! And you're not! Hate being called nice. My ten year old son cant stand affection between his My husband wanted to sleep with other people, now hes Gf being under anesthesia made me realize how lucky I am. That is so wrong. I know she meant it as a compliment and I know she was trying to be nice, but it felt as if I had been slapped in the face, and all the work I've put into myself completely destroyed. On behalf of the many people who are nice and kind: all of these assumptions are wrong. Use your symptoms as tools to let you know when youre overextended. And if depression, anxiety, and addiction arent strong enough to keep those non-polite feelings at bay, you are likely at risk of acting out, through the one-night stand on a business trip, going on a binge, going into a hurricane-like rage at your kid, your dog, or your gentle, but always-absent-minded coworker. Being nice isn't a quality damn it ! Dirty guys attract dirty girls, and is that really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? I got a regular hate burger, ate half and was full! Especially when you hear people saying how women want a good guy. Do you? Play for free. People who are always nice tend to hold in negative emotions, often resulting in depression, anxiety, and addiction. To be kind is to have perspective. Then they think I am not tough. I dont think I do this often enough. However, I did find that during that time I smiledbigger and harder than I ever had in my entire life, because I was fighting for my happiness day in and day out. Thank you for the book tip I will order it. I must be fucking crazy because every time I get called smart or nice I consider it an insult and I'm tired of it. She is a free, Roopa Swaminathan. . 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